October 23, 2020
It started after a seemingly innocuous event, “girls night out” in October of 2019, when my Dominant told me she has she had kissed a women in the back of a limo. A few months later, before the pandemic put us in quarantine, I was out of town visiting a relative for the holidays and I received a matter-of-fact text from my Dominant: “Can I have an affair with [the same woman].” We exchanged a few more texts before she used the phrase “Can I fuck her?” We agreed to talk about it when I returned, but the pandemic put the brakes on anything serious. One year to the date of “the kiss,” my Dominant asked me if I would be her cuckold. While I abstractly agreed, I have no experience sharing a sexual partner, and I consequently have no clear idea what I have agreed to. She spoke of possible male and female lovers, but given the experience a year earlier, only the latter seems imminent, and when she used the term “cuckold” in her question to me, I assumed she was referring to a relationship whereby I agree for her to have a male lover outside of our relationship. To my surprise, she quickly followed up the “cuckold” text with the question “both men and women?”, to which I spontaneously replied “yes.” My previous generic answer to her questions about potential boundaries had always been “anything,” although limits had never been tested outside our relationship. While the lover in a cuckold relationship is typically a male and referred to as a bull, I will simply refer to the hypothetical person as her (potential) lover.
While every relationship is unique, and I am certain cuckold relationships are no different, I lacked the vocabulary*to further explore the subject with my Dominant. Cuckold relationships are included under the broader umbrella of swinging, but in contrast to typical swinger relationships that focus on immediate carnal gratification, a cuckold relationship seems to be more invested in the dynamics of the cuckoldress and her subservient partner. My Dominant has guided our relationship in all matters sexual for several years, and I am certain she will eventually define my role in any future outside relationship, but I want to educate myself, so I would be prepared to continue the conversation. While cuckolds are sometimes clueless (a cheating partner) or reluctant (agreeable under duress), I do not fall into either of those categories. We have always had an honest relationship, and one that is predicated on communication and consent, and this new direction, if it comes to fruition, will be no different.
Exhibitionism, voyeurism and humiliation have played some role in our relationship in the past. I once performed cunnilingus on my Dominant at a swinger’s club, and she seems to enjoy the public display. She also likes to watch other people have sex, as do I. Later in my life, I have developed a penchant for humiliation, which I suppose is why I agree to be in chastity in the first place. The concept of humiliation at first seemed foreign, because I thought I was by nature a modest person who appreciated his privacy. I am also a resilient person who weathers adversity well, but “adversity” apparently also includes sexual humiliation. Humiliation has to date manifested itself verbally abuse, acts of feminization, and by degradating gestures like urinating on me during sex. My Dominant has made it clear in the past that she is reluctant to share me with other women, but she has on many occasions stated that she would like to see men fuck me, especially as I lick her. Recently, she has spoken of men fucking her and a desire that I lick her while that happens. When we have watched porn together, she sometimes gravitates towards scenes where the cuckold services the cuckoldress and her lover. I have never had oral or penetrative sex with a man, and while I have not considered myself to be attracted to men sexually, I believe such sex in the context of cuckolding may be satisfying, in part because of a general curiosity about sexual experience, which is what I imagine attracts my Dominant to a cuckold lifestyle. But at its core, I believe I am attracted to activities that debase me.
In the context of the woman my Dominate is attracted to, we have touched upon my role, although no details have been fleshed out. She would like to go away with her alone for a weekend. She has told the woman that I would pay to rent a cabin. I believe my Dominant is attracted to the idea of financial domination, and I imagine she is also signaling to her potential lover that I support the arrangement. I have indeed agreed to the arrangement, even though it remains unclear my role will eventually be.
*I wrote of a need for “vocabulary” to discuss cuckold relationships with my Dominant, but Google failed me when it comes to describing a man who is dominated by a (nascent) bisexual woman who is sexual unfaithful with another woman. In searching the lexicon, I became aware that with the exception of a few terms, the vocabulary of fetish is male-centric (patriarchal).